The Daddy Dilemma: A Secret Baby Romance Read online

  “No one is until it happens.”

  I smiled. He was right—again. I had certainly not been the maternal kind, but the moment Jasper was in my arms, I’d known I was meant to be his mom. That maternal instinct had kicked in and, despite being all alone, far away from my family, I had figured it out.

  “Well, I’m not ready to give up on this farm yet, and I think we can save it. I think deep down you want to save it too. I want to be able to come back and visit, and, Dad, I want Jasper to know this place,” I said, meaning every word.

  It had taken me a long time to realize how much I wanted to be here—at least to visit. It was a home base, and now that I had pulled the scab off the wound by returning home and seeing Brock, I was ready to heal the right way. I needed my family, and I needed Jasper to know them.

  I stood up, brushed off my butt, then looked at my dad and said, “I won’t let him win, Dad. I promise you that.”

  He smirked. “Lord have mercy on that man. He has no idea what’s coming his way. I admire you for trying, Ashley, but I don’t think it’s worth all this effort.”

  I laughed. “He sure as hell doesn’t, but I will make him very sorry for messing with my family, and that will definitely be worth the effort.”

  I headed inside to the table where the files were still sitting. I was going to go over them with a fine-tooth comb and find a way to stop Brock. I wasn’t rich by any means, but I had some money put away. I hoped it would be enough to pay the back taxes and the amount due on the mortgage. Brock needed to back off.

  Leslie had said she hadn’t really had time to look over the paperwork. That irritated me to no end. She was right in the same town and couldn’t make the time to check on Dad? To make sure the mortgage got paid on time or check on his health in general? I guessed I would just have to do it.

  Chapter 6

  Brock

  Dammit. She had done it again. Here I was caught under her spell. One look at her and I was lost. I had been sure that after all this time I would be immune to her. I wasn’t. Despite the hurt she had caused me, I still wanted her. My body remembered all the little details about her. I remembered the way her face looked when she was in the midst of an orgasm, how her body felt under my own, and the way she tasted and smelled. Everything was burned into my very soul.

  I had been in the middle of bringing a girl to an orgasm when my alarm had gone off, and I realized Ashley had been the star of my dream. Not the Ashley I’d met yesterday, but the Ashley Parks from years past. The two were one and the same in some ways but not all. My body longed to know the woman she was today, but my mind was holding on to the girl who had captured my heart when I was eighteen.

  In my dream, she’d been naked beneath me. Her blond hair with that sexy little streak of pink had fanned out around her head, creating a halo effect. Only I knew she was no angel. The woman was a firecracker in bed. I remembered her yelling my name as her nails cut little half-moons into my back and shoulders when I fucked her good and hard. Her body had been built for mine; at least that was what I had always felt. We fit together perfectly, and our sexual needs were a match as well.

  Back then, I could do no wrong. We had been happy. Too happy, apparently. She had always been far too eager to please me. Anything I had said or wanted, she’d agreed with. I laughed thinking about my only hang-up with her back in the day. Secretly, I’d hoped she would be a little more aggressive. I’d wanted her to argue with me, tell me to go to hell when I said or did something stupid. She’d gone out of her way to do nice things for me. I had fallen head over heels in love with her kindness.

  I remembered her bringing me lunch on a whim or using her key to my apartment to let herself in so she could make me dinner. Sometimes she would be waiting for me naked in my bed. Those days had been so good. I wished I would have paid more attention and appreciated every minute I had with her back then. I missed her like crazy, and still, to this day, I longed to see her naked in my bed.

  When I had asked her to marry me, she’d cried, and I had thought we would be together forever. Everyone had. I would never forget the day she shattered my heart into a million pieces. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about her and what she had done to me that day. I closed my eyes, blocking the image of her family staring at me with pity. She had fled. We had all stood out there in her dad’s field, thinking she was getting some last-minute fixes done to her dress. The minutes had stretched on, and soon enough, Leslie had gone to check on her. Ashley had fled out a back window so no one would see her.

  “No,” I said aloud in the room. I couldn’t go down that road again.

  I needed to go for a run, anything to get rid of the tension. The dream had stirred up some vivid memories that I wished to forget. I had taken up running about three years ago. It had been a last-ditch effort to exorcise the demon that haunted me: Ashley. I had been desperate. I’d even been prepared to hire a priest to bless me or something to make her go away. Running had been my saving grace.

  I checked my phone app and saw it was already close to eighty before eight in the morning. It was probably too hot for a run, but I didn’t care. I needed the release, and a wet dream wasn’t going to do it for me. I laced up my shoes, rubbed on some sunscreen, and headed outside.

  Damn. It was hot.

  I set off, going at a slow pace, relishing the feel of the pavement under my feet. Every time a foot slammed against the pavement, it vibrated through my body, shaking the image of a naked and writhing Ashley out of my head. A good trail run was what I needed, but I didn’t have time for that. Maybe tomorrow. I cut my run short, not wanting to give myself a heatstroke, and headed home to shower and dress for the day.

  As I drove through town, I checked my various signs, making sure they were all still up and free from graffiti. I wouldn’t put it past Ashley to take a can of spray paint and deface my signs.

  “Good morning, Brock,” Helen said when I walked through the door.

  “Good morning, Helen,” I said with a genuine smile.

  She usually beat me to the office. Being my own boss, I could set my own hours. It was a perk that I took full advantage of. I wasn’t the kind of guy that liked to show up at six in the morning.

  “I have a message for you—from your lawyer.” She added the last bit with a look on her face that told me it wasn’t good.

  “What about?”

  Helen cleared her throat. “The Parks farm.”

  I nodded. It was expected. “What? Did Ashley call him directly, or does she have a lawyer?”

  Helen shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ll have to call him. He said he would be in until ten and then he had court. Did you want coffee this morning? It’s a bit warm.”

  “No, thank you.” I shook my head.

  I headed into my office and called my lawyer. As I suspected, Ashley had called, demanding answers and peppering him with questions. Thankfully, he was a good lawyer and fended her off. He assured me I was not breaking any laws. All I had to do was bide my time. The minute the loan went into default, the farm was mine. I had a month. I could wait a month. I knew there was no way Tanner Parks was going to scrape together the money he needed to save the farm. I would own the property next month.

  After hanging up with my lawyer, I felt giddy. Ashley wasn’t going to win this one. I was. I spun around in my chair, laced my fingers behind my head, and stared up at the ceiling. Life was good. I didn’t have to worry about Ashley ruining my plans. I would buy the farm and she would go running back to New York, never to be seen again.

  Ping!

  Spinning my chair around, I looked at my email. There was a new message. The message line read, “Important information about Ashley Parks.”

  I hesitated about half a second before I clicked the mouse to open the message. My stomach dropped when I read the single line of the email.

  “Ask Ashley about her kid.”

  I blinked and reread the email several times.

  Ashley had a kid?<
br />
  The twinge of jealousy and hurt I felt surprised me. Of course she had been with other men. I had been with other women. She had moved on. I hadn’t. I was the one who clearly had this weird hope that we would get back together one day. It was a fantasy, one I really didn’t even want to come to life. I couldn’t trust her. I certainly didn’t want to give her my heart so she could crush it again.

  A kid. Why would the anonymous emailer tell me to ask her about the kid?

  Oh shit.

  The email gave me no information. I had no idea how old the kid was or even if the kid was a boy or girl. She wouldn’t do that to me, would she? No one in town had ever mentioned she had a kid. All I had ever heard was gossip about how well she was doing in the city and how she was some up-and-coming big shot in the photography world. I assumed all that information came through her family, but I couldn’t say for sure.

  Googling her a time or two had provided a little information, but only about her photography. I had secretly been looking for information about who she was dating. I imagined her hooking up with some rich dude and becoming some big socialite. If she had a kid, though, that would explain why I never read about her partying or found photos of her on the arm of some hotshot rich guy. In my mind, I had conjured up a man who I had secretly competed with. It was what had driven me to become successful in real estate. I’d been competing with the men in New York I’d assumed she was hooking up with.

  When I’d found out she was coming to town, I had wanted her to see how successful I was. I could compete with those men—almost. I wasn’t going to be buying an apartment at Trump Tower anytime soon, but I was getting closer.

  A kid. What the hell?

  Someone knew the truth and wanted me to know, too. There had to be a reason for that.

  “Helen!” I called out, jumping out of my chair after slamming my laptop shut.

  “What? Where are you going?” she questioned, clearly confused.

  I walked out of my office and looked at her. “I’m going out. I’ll be back later. If anyone calls and needs to see a property, call my cell. I’ll be busy for the next hour or so,” I told her before heading out the door.

  Climbing into my big Ford truck, I took a deep breath. She had a kid. Did that change how I felt about her? Did I still harbor that fantasy of marrying her and starting a life together? Could I love her and accept the child of another man?

  So many questions. Sitting in my truck and staring at my office wasn’t going to get any of them answered. Deep down, I knew she would lie to me if I asked her. She would tell me it was none of my business. I needed to know if it was my business or not, and I didn’t trust her to tell me the truth. I had to see with my own two eyes.

  Chapter 7

  Ashley

  The morning was beautiful. I loved the warm air untainted by overpopulation. Jasper was loving every minute at the farm.

  “Let’s go over here, Mom,” Jasper said, pointing to a spot on the edge of the cornfield. “Grandpa says he turns the dirt there a lot so there should be some good rocks there.”

  I smiled. “Go for it. I’m going to take some pictures. I can see you from here.”

  He took off running, clutching his little box of rocks in both hands. I grabbed my Nikon and started snapping pictures of him running toward the cornfield. It was beautiful. The photos may not be worth anything to buyers, but they would be precious to me. I couldn’t wait to have one printed, framed, and hung up on my dad’s wall. The farm through the eyes of a child would be perfectly captured. I just knew it.

  I spent some time photographing Jasper’s special rocks when he asked, and when he wasn’t demanding my attention, I pointed my lens at the landscape. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe I had walked away from all of this. It was absolutely stunning. I couldn’t wait until sunset. The sun setting behind the corn would make a spectacular picture.

  Despite being on a somewhat forced vacation, I still needed to sell some pictures. Landscapes were always a big hit. A little money to help cover the bills while I was here would certainly help out.

  I heard a truck rumbling up the drive and turned to see who it was. It wasn’t like my dad got a lot of visitors out here. The home-care nurse had left a little bit ago, and she wasn’t due back until tomorrow. My siblings were at work. For some reason, I knew it was not going to be a pleasant visit. I stood in front of Jasper, blocking him from view with my body.

  “Oh shit,” I murmured.

  “Mom! You said a bad word!” Jasper said in an accusing tone.

  Damn straight I did. It was Brock. I’d heard people say their lives flashed before their eyes in moments of crisis. I now knew exactly what that meant. My life as I knew it evaporated the moment I saw Brock climb out of that big truck of his.

  Jasper stood up and came to stand beside me.

  “Who’s that?” he asked.

  I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.

  Brock stalked across the yard, his stride long and purposeful. He was obviously on a mission.

  “What are you doing here?” I went on the offensive, hoping to stop him from coming close.

  It didn’t stop him. His eyes were focused on Jasper. I could see him inspecting every feature. He had to recognize the hair that was just like his own, the dark blue eyes that resembled his. Jasper was tall for his age but a little stocky. I imagined Brock was the same when he was a young boy.

  “Mom,” Jasper whined. “Who is that?”

  Brock was standing in front of us, looking at Jasper and then at me. I could practically see him figuring it all out. I had no idea how he would react when he knew for sure.

  “Jasper, go inside and check on Grandpa, please,” I instructed, not wanting my son to hear something I wasn’t prepared to explain just yet.

  Jasper looked at me and then back at Brock. “Okay,” he said.

  Once Jasper was out of earshot, Brock looked at me. “Yours?”

  His breath was coming fast and his normally tanned skin had paled a few shades.

  I nodded.

  “How old?” His voice was strained, as if he had been screaming for the last twenty-four hours.

  This was the final nail in my coffin. I knew that, but I had promised myself I would be honest. No more hiding. No more running away from my past.

  I cleared my throat and looked down at my feet. “Five.”

  He was quiet for a few minutes.

  “Five?” He choked on the word. “Five?” he repeated.

  I nodded my head in affirmation, unable to meet his eyes. This was my day of reckoning, and it was turning out to be as bad as I had feared. This was why I had stayed away, and clearly, I had been a coward for good reason.

  I watched him draw the right conclusion. My heart ached as he put two and two together. He looked at me with disappointment, hurt, and then pure anger.

  “Is—”

  I stopped him. “Yes.”

  I knew what he was going to say. It was the question I’d been dreading for five long years, the one I’d known I would have to answer one day. I had hoped it could be over the phone or through email. I hadn’t wanted to see his face when he found out he had a son.

  He took a step back. It was as if I had kicked him. Pain crossed his face, and I knew what I had done. I had robbed him of those precious years. I hadn’t trusted him enough to give him the chance to be a father.

  “Why, Ashley? Why would you keep him from me?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t have an answer worth giving.

  “Did you know? That day, when you ran out on me, did you know you were pregnant?” he asked, his voice laced with grief.

  “Yes.”

  Once again, I had managed to shock him.

  “You knew you were pregnant with my child and you ran away without telling me? I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  “It was complicated,” I said, knowing it was a weak answer but not knowing how else to explain my actions back then.

  “Did your fam
ily know?”

  I shook my head. “No. I didn’t tell anyone until after Jasper was born. They never asked the question, but I think they knew who the father was.”

  He was staring out at the cornfield, his shoulders heaving up and down with ragged breaths.

  He jerked around. “Did you think it was another man’s baby? Is that why you left? You were afraid I would find out?”

  “No! There was never a doubt who the father was. You were the only possible option.”

  He raised one of those bushy brows, questioning me. “Why should I believe you?”

  “You don’t have to believe me. None of that matters,” I shot back. “Think about what you want.”

  He stepped forward, towering over me. “I want to meet him. You owe me that. I deserve to know my son.”

  “I do owe you that, and yes, you do need to meet him, but he is five. He doesn’t understand any of this and doesn’t need to be burdened with our problems. If you want to meet him, you need to do it the right way. You can’t go into the meeting pissed off at me,” I said. “I am his mother and he is very protective of me. You need to get your head right before you can meet him.”

  “Fuck you!” he shouted in my face. “Fuck you. How fucking dare you!” he seethed. “You had my fucking kid and didn’t tell me! Who the fuck does that?”

  And like that his grief and pain transformed into anger. It was part of the grief process, I figured. Pretty soon we would get to acceptance. I hoped we got there quickly, because I could only let him talk to me like that a short time before I fired back. I understood his rage and had expected it in some ways. Hearing the f-bombs and his complete inability to choose his words carefully told me I had crushed him. Brock was always in control, and he rarely lost it, but right now he was hovering on the edge.

  “Brock, I—”

  “I have lawyers, Ashley, and I will get them involved. I will go after visitation, maybe even custody. You can’t keep my son from me!”

  I nodded. “I understand your anger, Brock. I really do. I’m sorry you’re so mad, but don’t threaten me. You can try to sue me for custody, but I will win. Trust me. I’m not a pushover anymore. Jasper is my son and no one will take him from me.”